I want to walk on stilts...naked
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
