I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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