even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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