11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
