soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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