True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
