How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
