I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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