It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
