its not stalking. its research.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
