im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
