Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I had to cum in my sink.
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