My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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