Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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