Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You left your underwear on the fireplace
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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