you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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