found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize