At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
