He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
