i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
