I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
