He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
