am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
