it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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