The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
