I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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