So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
