so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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