It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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