New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
