"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
