I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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