just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
