Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
