Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
