You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
