If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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