Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This is my gift to your gina
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
