well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
