Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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