there's paper in my vomit.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
