Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize