Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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