so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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