He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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