i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
