she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize