you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
