Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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