Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's blow job season.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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