Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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