I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
