it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
