8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
