Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
