I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
