OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
