He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
