do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
