i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
well you can't waste a boner
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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