spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
