that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
