weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
don't judge my taste in strippers
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
