The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
