please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I smell like Dick and happiness
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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