my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize