Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
