ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
