Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
