Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
