I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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