shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
