it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
